Compulsory instantaneous unconditional conduct modification

My first drawing of my child.
This is Jimmye when she Red Hulks out:

I FORGOT WHY I'M SO UPSET WHICH IS MAKING ME SO UPSET!!!

Life is full of changes and not many people accept them although they really have no choice. Most people put off greatly beneficial changes because it hurts to switch a comfortable routine. I am one of those people. For the last few years I've secretly been wishing for some great unstoppable wave of responsibility to come through and shake my world off its foundation so I have no choice but to change with the tide.

Be careful what you wish for. right?

I've encountered drastic changes in my life. Different Cities, different antagonists and different ceilings to stare up at on sleepless nights.

Negative changes such homelessness and a complete loss friends due to unpopular decisions I've made. (unrelated)

Positive changes such as promotions and opportunities to better myself.

These were all changes that affect who I was as a person. They were either  geographical, financial or emotional (sometimes all three) but at the core of each scenario I was still the same person I was the day before. I just had a new obstacle to overcome. A new adaptation.

But this…

Being a parent, It’s a revolution. A vicious coup de tat of the old lazy oportunistic regime that has run my life and turned my 20’s into a blurry party documented not by my memory but by the thousands of digital images I’ll never have the time to go through. Conspirited by the underlying responsibility and self respect that have been growing and ralying in the shadows of my subconscious. They are now rising up and as sharp as a guillotine they sever the head of the hedonistic beast I have been. Now I have no choice but to become what we all must be if we are to be respectable parents. I am ready for it but I'd be lying if I said the spirit of the old ways are not still alive inside me.
It is through them I am able to fully appreciate the daunting challenge I'm facing.

Parenthood is nothing you can foresee. I expected radical changes but expecting a meteor to strike and actually being there as it happens are two completely different things. I've always whined about needing more discipline in my life and like previously stated for the past decade I've pretty much done whatever I wanted and enjoyed myself thoroughly in doing so. But now, there is a new nagging element introduced every time a worthwhile event appears on the horizon: Responsibility.

So many things to consider in planning. Thinking not only for yourself but for the high maintenance well being of a baby as well. Trips can quickly dwindle from extravagant and relaxing to “please lets just get out of this damn house for at least an hour”

• Hawaii? How much fun would we really have with an Infant in Hawaii?
• New York? The baby will be inconsolable when her little ears won't pop and the air marshal will strap me to a chair after I beat the crap out of the first guy who says something about the crying baby on the plane.
• Vegas Trip? Not anytime soon unless I plan on bathing my baby in hand sanitizer every five minutes.
• Sky diving? I wasn’t planning on doing that before the baby so don’t Im not gonna act like shes holding me back from doing it now.
• Santa Barbara? 5 hours in a car doesn’t sound appealing at all right now. Maybe in a year or so.
• Catalina? Baby could get sea sick or abducted by rouge dolphins
• Concert? Do I WANT a deaf child?
• Dinner and a movie? This kid is a landmine of fuss. Do we really wanna risk it?
• Sleep? Don’t be ridiculous.

I know it gets better....and worse. I look forward to all the new experiences that come with this new way of life. I can feel the change in me. It could be the odd schedule we have now but I've instantly started to lose interest in a lot of the old vices and hobbies. there's just no time. If I had a solid block of free time I wouldn't know what to do with it. Painting takes to long to set up and I would get called into active duty while my paint sat and dried on the palette. plus the nagging sense that the house hasn't been dusted in a long time would nag at me, thus taking any pleasure out of the process. Instead I'd just as soon go for a walk with my beagle or perhaps read, or dare I say, sleep.

So yes, I have changed in some definable yet vague way. When I'm holding my daughter as she sleeps I'm 100% confidant its for the better.

- SCRaM