Nearly a year and thousands of diapers later...

So...hello....long time no post.

Life gets weird sometimes and you lose focus but the beautiful thing about it is that quite often you get chances to make the changes necessary to get back on track.

Not sure what to write about but I know I want to start posting here at least once a month so ill dust some of the rust off with some freewriting.

Warning: this might get long.

There's been a bit of a derailment over the last few months for me. But I think the track is nearly clear now and after the dust has cleared the horizon is coming into focus. In order to get a better look into your future you really have to actively focus on the here and now. Its the behaviors, actions and decisions we make daily that ultimatly model our future and more importantly our children's future.

Currently I'm lucky in that aspect.

My daughter is amazing.

Or maybe shes not. Maybe I'm biased.Whatever.

Either way watching this little being coming to life... growing...learning and mimicking. Its an amazing experience.

You can't purchase an experience like this (unless of course you count the endless diapers, wipes, food, clothes, bigger clothes, shoes, bigger shoes, car seat, bigger car seat. OMG STOP GROWING!!) its unreal.

Sometimes I just stare at her as she absorbs the world into her dark blue eyes.
I wish I knew what she was thinking. At times her attention span is so impressive I think that I must have A.D.D for wanting to do something else besides watch Monsters Inc. And that's a damn good movie btw. (I love door storage room part of the ride at D.C.A.)

any whooo. See? Side tracked so easy.

My wife and I had so many plans for her before she came into being - no pink, no princess, no meat, no stealling cars - but as she comes into her own we see these rules get blurry and lose definition. She doesn't like meat much but she stole her first car a few months ago.

My own hang-ups, like not supporting mass media distributors such as Disney, went out the window as soon as she seen Micky Mouse Clubhouse (she loves Minnie).Also with a name like Jimmye we have resorted to pink dresses and earings to avoid the otherwise unavoidable "What a cute lil boy!" We never get mad though. we knew what we were getting into by naming her Jimmye and we stick by it because it really fits her. She IS Jimmye Lenore. She's our unique little bull dragon. She is her own person. All we can do is lead by example.

Often now I think of a quote my wife discovered "strive to be like them but don't make them be like you". It makes so much sense.

I've found myself stressed in my own head being bitter and clinical and I'll look over at her and she will be happy as can be, being sneaky in her little fort made of couch cushions. She's not over thinking it. Not scrutinizing the fabric quality. Not worried about what others think. She's just having fun. That is all that matters in that moment of her little world. Its admirable.

Don't you wish there was a switch you could just shut off and the world would come back into focus again, bright and full and new? But we've all seen too much. Weve been hurt. We've learned caution. And it can't be unlearned.

So I stare at her wondering what shes seeing? Are colors brighter? Are shapes emerging more prominently? When she busts into my art room and there's my whole busy mess waiting for her there's always something new for her to see whereas most people, myself includes just look over everything at a glance.

Its almost as though weve all resigned ourselves as having seen it all. Its sad really.

I've found that she likes being active with her mother but with me she's would rather sit next to me or on top of me and focus on her shows or her books or her surroundings. Even when I try to play with her she kinda just wants to be near me but not be entertained by me. We just hang out. I enjoy it immensly but I'm sure I'm supposed to do more. I'll work on that.

"I want a daughter while I'm still young so I can show her some beauty before the damage is done" - amazing song Mr. Little Jeans - The Suburbs (Arcade Fire cover)

This lyric always stood out to me because that's all I really want out of life with her. I want to show her the good of the world. Beauty in animals, nature, architecture, color and even humans. If she experiences enough good she'll know that this life is worth suffering through all the bad that can surround us at times. For every traumatic raging storm there are far more beautiful sunsets to be seen.

I warned you this was going to run long...

All this talk of Jimjam makes me want to go wake her up and watch Octonauts. Which is ALSO a damn good piece of entertainment might I add. OK so theres this mobile sealab shaped like a giant octopus, yeah? With a crew of
rediculously cute little animals that run it, yeah? Theres a polar bear named Captain Barnacles and a Pirate cat with one eye name Kwazi....

Alright alright....I tell you about all that later.

Thanks for reading. Have a great...hmm...I dont know if its morning, noon or night for you so.... have a great sandwich.